I am so ridiculously buzzing right now. Performed a few John Cooper Clarke poems at Carpe and it went down well. I, me I performed in front of my friends and they liked what I did….I’ve got a full on rock n roll star buzz going on right now.

Haven’t been this happy since BRMC in Shunt Vaults with Sandy.

[VOICEOVER]

I don’t even sleep any more.
Just lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling.
Counting the cracks.

Not even sure if they’re in the ceiling or in reality.

Life and death.
Love and hate.
Reality and dreams.
There’s no difference any more.
The lines blurred a long time ago.

I wonder what I’d do if I woke up?
What would the world be like?
Who would I be?
The dream me or the real me?

Guess there’s only one way to find out…

[SFX] sound of a man vomiting what sounds like his entire intestines up for a good 5 minutes or more.

[Friendly voice] Welcome back, mate.

…except The Complete Stone Roses that I got a free ticket for but I’m not really counting that…

Evile - Old school thrash metal

What can I say…

I rocked, I moshed, I circle pitted. I was as one with a thousand flailing limbs. The drums and guitars pounded like an army of cavalry charging into battle.

It was tribal. It was neolithic. It was goddamned caveman behaviour at its most basic level.

I was pushed and shoved. I flailed and fell. I was bruised and I bled and was dragged back into the heaving throng as agile and lithe as a drunken, three-legged beast of burden.

It’s a place I call home if home is where the heart is for mine was beating a millionfold. Pumping blood to my extremities lest they fail me and leave me on the sidelines and my mind and soul being devoid of such chaotic, savage beauty.

May I mosh till I die.

Think we’ll skip over this one.

Started out at Sandy’s for a quick beer and that. Met her mate Mark. Then off to Academy for The Sword with Black Cobra supporting.

Brilliant gig. Full on loud, hard, fast and heavy as fuck. Guitar heaven.

Had to start our own pit….not an uncommon occurence. Plenty of air guitar on show. Surprisingly only one bruise all night, and that was Sandy’s eye within The Sword’s first tune. Got split up at one point and each ended up going to the bar for beers seperatly and got the others a drink. So spent half an hour trying to rock out whilst holding 2 beers - until some monkey knocked one of Sandy’s flying so we shared my last one.

Off to Big Hands where Sandy got us in for free

Met a Canadian who had been to see Kris Kristofferson at the Apollo. Chatted to him for quite a while but no idea what the hell we were talking about. And he took photos of us holding the vinyl from the gig cos he loved the fact that we covetid it so much.

Headed off back to Sandy’s in a cab. All 3 of us talking a hundred miles per hour about how good the gig was. Totally trollied at this point.

Couldn’t open the front door, in a scene reminiscent of The Marx Brothers or something with us all trying to talk at once whilst shushing each other cos it was late and laughing like lunatics. Managed to bend the key and had to phone Debbie, her neighbour from downstairs, to come and let us in…oops.

Quick beer and smoke to some tunes and Atomic Rooster on the big screen before stumbling off into the night to find my way home. Which I managed to do with only falling into a hedge once.

It were a reet good day.

Bugger, bugger, bugger & bollocks.

Got burgled on Sunday night while I was out. They kicked my front door in and took Both laptops plus PS2 and about £50.

With a bit of luck the perpetrators might get run over by a steam roller

This is England at Cornerhouse.
Couple (or 3 or 6) at Grand Central.
Home for pills, thrills, and no bellyaches.
Bed (well, sofa) at about 7.ooam
Up at 1.00pm (ish) and out for a roast lunch.
Back to flat for Revolver.
Over to Ledstation for cake and 45 min discussion on what the hell happened in that film.
Back to flat for Oldboy.
Home (finally) and in bed for midnight.

Wonderful

Saw 3 great bands - Can’t member first bands name but they were old school punk dressed in white with odd masks on and a bass player wearing a pair of specs like Buggles did in that video.

Visitor Q were amazing with a singer who looked like the scary voodoo guy from Live n Let Die complete with top hat and a really, really great female drummer.

Blood Sugar who were awesome. Fantastic guitarist from Tokyo who played some awesome wah wah and a singer who at one point sounded sooo like Robert Plant and did a song that sounded like Queen then went into a BB King type blues number and brought the house down with last track that was a mixture of punk, Madness, the blues, old school rock and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

And met Anouska but sadly Stan (who’d got us on the guest list in the first place had to leave before Blood Sugar to pick Ruth up so missed em

Scene One

Words, words, words: Yawn, yawn, bollocks.

Scene 2
Bit of a zombie.

Scene 3

Words, words, words: yawn, bollocks, bollocks.

Scene 4

Bit of a zombie.

Scene 5

Zombies finally kick in

Scene 5.1

Ok, not really.

Scene 6

See Scenes 1 & 3

Scene 7

Oh look, there’s some zombies (FINALLY)

Let’s shoot them.

Oh darn I’ve used almost all my bullets and they’re still not dead.

What shall we do.

OOOhhh, I know. I’ve got 2 bullets left I’ll shoot them in the head.

*BLAM*

*BLAM*

wow, they’er dead. Must remember that little trick.

Hey look. There’s some more ammo, let’s load up.

one corner later

darn. More zombies. quick shoot em…

*BLAM*

*BLAM*

*BLAM*

*BLAM*

*BLAM*

*BLAM*

*BLAM*

Gosh, they’re still not dead. What shall we do. Oh yeah they’re zombies and we know all about them cos we’ve seen the films and heard the news stories and had the government ‘what-to-do-in-a-zombie-crisis handbook so let’s shoot them in the head….PHEW and with our last 3 bullets too.

Two minutes later

look, more ammo.

look, more zombies.

[see above]

x2

later

PHEW here come the special government zombie clean up squad. They’ve dealt with dozens of zombie clean ups around the world. They’ll sort it out…..

*BLAM*

*BLAM*

etc for like, 5 minutes….

see above..

FOR CRYING OUT FUCKING LOUD. You can’t have a zombie film that trys to make out the whole zombie thing is real and there have been 3 outbreaks since the original NOTLD and then have people (especially the special zombie clean up squad) go around shooting them in the stomach and chest.

HAVE SOME GODDAMNED SENSE YOU MORONS.

ps. and next time. You might wanna try throwing a story in there somewhere

We’re Motorhead and we play rock n roll.

or

Hi, I’m Johnny Cash